Are you sick of hearing you should be grateful, when in fact you feel anything but gratitude? Read on!
Since the end of October I’ve been vascilating between grief, shock, anger and relief. Between the dream business on hold and my dog that I thought was on the verge of dying, it’s been rough. I’ve had to look at my savings account, my goals and make some really hard decisions. The biggest decision has been to move or not to move.
I’m moving. This weekend I’ll be right back where my journey began in the fall of 2021 after retiring from teaching (listen to Retired New Tread podcast on Apple and Spotify) and beginning my retreat business. Each year since that time, there have been major setbacks in accomplishing my goal–a philanthropic retreat and tour business to Cuba.
The retreat business was my dream. It aligned all my values: the Spanish language, transformational experiences and adventure. First, I needed Maria, my Cuban business partner, to “retire” from running the family cigar business. Nearly a year later…check! Then we needed to fix her dad’s ’57 Chevy’s upholstery (in Cuba) which lead to an unexpected entire car restoration that took TWO years. Check! As for lodging, we realized that the family’s guard dogs proved too dangerous for guests to stay in her private two bedroom apartment. So, I spent nearly a year in Cuba searching for other options while creating a Cuban work team and website. Check! Check! Check!
At last Maria came back from Cuba this August, I enrolled in a retreat course to learn how to market and attract guests. (If interested, visit sourcedexperience.com with Darla Le Deoux–amazing.) Things looked promising and were coming together. Finally we were ready to launch a philanthropic retreat to Cuba during the Christmas holidays. That is until I came back October 11th from having had an incredible retreat experience with Darla.
It felt like my world, my dream had collapsed. Upon my return I discovered a fast growing tumor on my dog’s toe requiring amputation and through the news, FaceBook and our friends in Cuba we learned that there have been rampant mosquito born diseases causing genuine health threats. Maria and I knew this wasn’t something that would go away anytime soon. The safety of our guests is one of our non-negotiable business values, so we cancelled our Christmas in Cuba retreat, amputated my dog’s toe and moved Maria back up to Northern California to run her family’s cigar shops.
Devastation. Grief for what was supposed to be. Yet, last night things became so clear. My dog is healing and her personality has come back. She doesn’t have cancer and I’ve got more time with her. Gratitude. With the decision to move away from my mountaintop community and my half-restored childhood home, back to Northern California where retreat business opportunities and connections are vast, I’m feeling relief. Gratitude.
It may not be Cuba right now, but it can be in the Northern Sierras/Reno Area and Big Bear Lake in SoCal. By standing back and looking at what is working instead of what is not, optimism is entering the scene once again. Grief is still a process. Accepting what is, is still a process too, but possibility is beginning to take root.
The last time I left Northern California, I had thought that my hamlet hometown would offer everything I could want. But I learned (like my marriage) that what I wanted it to be wasn’t reality. It’s amazing living in a small town on so many levels, but I also see what a populous area offers too. Reno is where I’ll be staying for the upcoming year. As I research more deeply I see it as a hybrid location. I still get to look out the window and see snow covered mountains and know that within 30 minutes I can do all my favorite outdoor activities. However, now I’ll have a populated area to discover and connect with my future retreat clients. And (it’s the little things 🙂 I found a YEAR ROUND Farmer’s Market that touts organic produce, a non-negotiable value for me.
Internally I am shifting from despair to acceptance and now gratitude. Join me in opening your mind to what can happen in your life and to what is working right now. Journal it. Think it. Speak it. Reinforce it.
Even better, join me in a 1-1 course on how to rebuild your life after estrangement or a major loss. Email me at lifeafterestrangement@gmail.com for more information.
Hugs!
Tina