This week I made three Norwegian cakes for a Daughters of Norway meeting. Part of my healing through estrangement has been the re-membering the parts of me I had to severe to keep harmony within my marriage–one of those parts was my Norwegian heritage.
My family is Norwegian and I am a first generation Norwegian American. For whatever reasons my ex-husband had, he did not embrace anything Norwegian–not the food, the language, the customs, my parents not even the Norwegian Christmas tree decorations.
This Daughters of Norway will be the second one I will attend after years of having my parents persuade me to join (and the girls and my husband) in order to preserve and nurture my heritage. At my first meeting in December, I had signed up for making my father’s favorite cake–one I would make each year for Christmas when my mother stopped baking. The idea of bringing these cakes to a room full of people who love the culture was exciting.
However, while making them I began feeling the same sensations I had while married as a stay-at-home mom. Feelings that since therapy and healing from my marriage and daughter’s estrangement I haven’t felt in years. I noticed myself becoming stressed; I had over committed what I could do in the time I had given myself–three cakes baked and delivered by 5:30 PM. Resentment began to arise towards cooking and cleaning even though my heart wanted to do this. That’s why I signed up.
I realized that these were not negative feelings toward the Scandinavians I would be meeting up with later that evening, these were simply the traumas I had experienced over and over again trying to do too much. Over time during my married years, I lost the joy to cook and bake. I remembered the tug of war between my ex husband and my parents revolving around Norwegian traditions and food .
Relief came when I recognized these were old feelings coming up. By the end of my marriage and post divorce, I made a decision to buy, whenever possible, healthy cooked food and baked goods. I was done! But in this instance, I wanted to step up and actively embrace my inner Norwegian and bake a traditional dessert and introduce it to other Scandinavians.
I am proud to have had my Norwegian upbringing and the values my parents brought into my life from their mother country. There are delicious baked good and meals that I know longer have to deny myself. I am also proud to be taking the steps to become fluent in my parents’ language and commit to Daughters’ of Norway club to keep our heritage alive and well in this “new” land across the pond.
I am grateful for my life now, every single day. I was grateful for my daughters in my old life, but today as they are now becoming adult women, I am so happy to be able to return to my roots, to re-member one of my many abandoned facets who make me who I am, a Norwegian American.
I hope you re-member yourself too.
Hugs,
Tina