Do you want to become unstuck? You can!
May 2015, the month from hell, the day I saw hate in my daughter’s eyes. She wouldn’t speak to me or acknowledge me when I ran into her at a local event. I knew from her visit the night before–the coldness–something was terribly wrong. That next day confirmed it.
It’s been 11 years and my life has radically changed and I thank my daughter for having estranged because losing her helped me find myself. I’ve been on a journey from blame and despair to personal responsibility and growth that ironically stems from the first deepest, truest love I’ve ever known–my first born daughter.
I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d live that pain again if I knew I’d be where I am today. That saying, “You can’t teach a dog new tricks!” is a blatant lie, but it does take time. At the age of 46 I was terrified, timid, sad, extremely happy (at times), anxious and angry from years of suppressing that emotion.
Fast forward, today I sat down to write in my journal and I had so much to say I knew I had to write it in a blog. I am by no means perfect. I have yet so much to learn and more growing to do (now 57 years old btw), but I realized I’m excited 90% of the time to live. I walk around profoundly grateful for the people in my life, my Great Dane dream dog, where I live, the business I’m creating and even the businesses that couldn’t launch or launched but I folded.
In 11 years I have sculpted a life based on what is true for me. Parental Alienation/Estrangement is self-estrangement too. I lost myself within my marriage. I adapted, molded and changed myself to win my then husband’s love, attention, respect, admiration and warmth and I did so futilely. This was my addiction. I could never do enough and I could never receive enough.
I lost my soul. I forgot what made me happy. I forgot what my values were. I forgot how to make a decision. I forgot everything about who I was and if it weren’t for the estrangement, I would have lived miserably until I died.
Losing my first truest love–my eldest daughter at 15 years of age–nearly killed me too, until I remembered I could live my life for me. I had a beautiful, random chance at having been given the life I have to live. That sperm and that egg united miraculously and out I came. I have no idea how long I’ll last, but I know now that each day matters. I’ve lost many friends and people I’ve known well before they turned 57 and yet, I’m still here!
It’s starts with that realization. You are here. Time is finite. If you have one shot at life, do you want to waste it by surviving until the day you die? Or, do you want to live it and experience it as fully as possible for as long as you can?
I choose to live it! I choose to say, “Yes!” to life, to the invitations to try new things even when I’m scared. I choose not to be stuck wallowing in sadness, powerlessness and blame. I am a co-creator of my life. I am the movie producer, director and creator of my life. You can be with your life too.
I wish this for you! Move forward!
Hugs,
Tina