To Readers:
If money were no object or no one was holding you back, where would you live? Dream and when the time is right, you’ll make it happen.
After three days of a fire evacuation staying in LA, I am home. Home. Home is everything! Home is a nest, a safe place to land when all else goes crazy in this world. It is safety. It is beauty. It is a place to BE you-a place that reflects your values, your inner self. Home is the environment you create and when it aligns with your soul, it is the place where you can heal, recover from loss and trauma and move forward with your life.
It doesn’t matter if you live in a home, rented room, apartment or have a bed at a shelter. Claim the space and make it yours! Small things that bring you a little slice of joy like a cut flower in a jar, a candle with your favorite scent, a painting, these are mini-reflections of you and your values. When you look out at the environment that you have created full of the things that make you smile, you will feel your spirit lift.
Many years ago I learned from an acquaintance a basic rule for creating a feeling of home, safety and order, “If it isn’t beautiful to you or useful, get rid of it.” I’ve stuck to this rule. By giving away or selling those unwanted/unnecessary items, someone else will love it and appreciate it–a win. Plus, you will create the space for what really matters to you, and more often than not, it will be a decluttering of your external world–another win.
Our lives are packed. Packed with things. Packed with to-do lists. Packed with pressures. Packed with choices. Packed with obligations we really don’t need. Packed with screens. Packed with scrolling. For most of us every minute of the day our minds are racing and anxious unless we are sleeping or numbing out. If you can weed out your external environment and keep only what matters, it’s like an unpacking of your spirit.
When leaving my marriage and the home we shared together, I took very little with me for two reasons: 1) I didn’t want to disrupt my girls’ lives anymore than necessary and 2) I realized there really wasn’t much that mattered. From that experience I began to learn that I can live with a lot less and be happier with less. Less is more and it is actually a sort of freedom.
After the divorce had settled, my kids chose to live at their childhood home. For the first time in my life, I was living alone. I didn’t have to compromise with anyone on how to decorate, paint, keep or throw away items. Over time my humble space slowly evolved into a home, MY HOME not one created to please another person.
My home became a reflection of all I loved–pictures of my girls, Norwegian nicknacks to reflect my parents and the culture I was raised in, crisp clean painted walls with colorful accents throughout, candles and soft warm textures. When I battled wars outside those walls for fair custody, making a living, and for my mental well being, I could return to a nest. I had created an environment that surrounded me like a warm blanket.
If you find yourself in those same shoes I was in, utterly alone, build a sanctuary. Get rid of painful items. Walk around your space and if it holds sadness, let it go. Likewise on that walk, you’ll notice yourself smiling or giggling, keep those items. This walkabout will reconnect you to what matters, because you were more than likely too buried in the survival of your life to even notice.
For eight years I remained in that nest of a home I had designed all by myself until the girls were grown and off creating their own lives. They no longer resided full time in the town of my marriage. The decision was mine to continue living there or move. I moved!
Since the day I married I had wanted to live in the mountains, but my ex did not. I had the great fortune to buy back my beloved childhood home and restore its nearly 100 year old self to the way I had always wanted. It has been three years living in my “new” home in the mountains with the seasons, snow and nature around me. This new nest I’m restoring is an even greater reflection of my values than ever before. Each day I step outside and look at the pines and the mountains surrounding me, I know l made the right choice.
Open your mind to possibility. I thought I’d never be living in the mountains or see my childhood home again. Yet here I am at peace (minus the fire LOL), grateful with each passing season to be here. I wish this for everyone, especially those of us climbing up and out of one of the greatest pains imaginable–estrangement.
Hugs!