This has been an exceptionally difficult week. Much of it had to do with my ex husband Warren and our youngest daughter Grace who texted us both for some help. What I have learned these past eight years through my healing from divorce and better understanding our marriage, engaging with my ex husband nets zero results and zaps my energy. I am amazed at how his words can still effect me by taking me out of my place of peace and putting me right back into turmoil which is what happened this week.
The good news is the level of my distress is nowhere near where it used to be when communicating with Warren; however, I was disappointed by my own reaction that only a few words sent by text could slowly erode my inner peace. This time I knew I would have to give myself plenty of space, time and self-care to recover.
What does self-care look like? For me it meant focussing only on what HAD to be done over the next couple of days and eliminating the rest without guilt! I realized the only way I could help my daughter was to ground myself first and reclaim my inner peace. To do this, I scheduled a couple of outings with friends, spent time with my eldest daughter and perhaps most importantly I decided to reach out for help.
As much as I didn’t want to, I made an appointment with my beloved life coach (former therapist) Pam. I hoped that I could use the tools she’s given me throughout the years to deal with the issue at hand. Unfortunately, I’m entering into new territory and I need her expertise and guidance to take the next best steps to help Grace while protecting my own mental health and well being.
This week’s text from him led me to another level of understanding, our relationship is not over. Since both our girls are now adults, I have been wondering if there needs to be any communication between Warren and myself unless of course there is an emergency. But what about for Grace’s sake who is asking us both in a group text to negotiate her requests for help? What is the right thing to do for both Grace and myself? That is the question.