- What are your core non-negotiable values?
- What are the things that you will fight for whether or not you get another’s approval?
- What will you plan for and expend energy on even if it’s difficult?
- What are the beliefs you carry inside, but may not be able to communicate to others around you?
These questions may not be answered instantly. Sometimes the hardest questions take time to answer especially if they aren’t superficially answered. The answers will come at different times through experiences and quiet moments. They cannot be forced out when demanded to appear. In fact with force those answers will hide or come about so vaguely there is no meaning to them.
I learned by Thich Nhat Hanh (a spiritual leader) a few years back that to prepare and figure out the future means living fully in the present. Enjoy the dish you are currently washing. Make each day at the current job its fullest. Find the peace and/or joy in the activity you are participating in. So when I did focus on the present moment and thoroughly participate in it, my life became happier. I was enjoying myself while I was waiting for my youngest daughter to graduate and begin college instead of ticking away each day living for the future.
The oddest part was that the happier I became the more creative my thinking became too. I was no longer forcing answers but surprisingly the answers kept coming and evolving. I could see my future; smell it; taste it; feel it and hear it, yet I wasn’t focusing on the future. How’s that for a paradox?
For decades I knew that mountain living was the rightest, truest, thing for me. There were so many times my heart ached when I biked along a river, camped in the mountains, and kayaked. I didn’t want to leave it; I wanted to live in it. Unfortunately I lived in the middle of a valley with the coast 2-3 hours to the west and the mountains 2-3 hours to the east. Visiting the beach or mountains was not enough for me; it never was. I wanted to do these activities daily without having to drive, wait for the weekend and spend copious amounts of money for lodging.
I wanted the outdoor lifestyle, but I abandoned myself and my dreams for another person’s dreams (my then husband’s). That was not his fault, because I made the choice. However, I didn’t understand until after my divorce that I spent my life following and encouraging the dreams of others–an unhealthy pattern of codependency.
This past week I have caught myself feeling so deeply in alignment with myself, my goals and values. After moving back to my childhood home in the mountains 1 1/2 years ago I am now doing all the things that I moved back for. In the last five days I’ve kayaked the lake twice, gone skiing and hiked. Each activity within a ten minute radius from my home. I never have to leave the mountains to return home. I am home. This is where I want to die!
As I took my hour long walk through the forest along the lake, I watched the pelicans fly overhead (my favorite bird), my dog happily trotting in front of me with her tail high and wagging (a Great Dane my dream dog) passing the picnic table I’ve wanted to earn money from (I’ll explain later) with a five minute drive ahead of me to go back home to take a business class (another step towards actualizing a long term dream), I realized my life over this past decade is one big alignment to everything I’ve always known to be true for me. The difference is I’m living my dream instead of pushing it away or wishing I was living my dream. I’m no longer wanting it, envisioning it and thinking about how to make it happen. It has happened. It is happening. One choice at a time. One opportunity at a time. One decision at a time.
I’m sharing this because I want this for everyone. It is painful to think of how we all just wake up, get through the day and live for the weekend. I remember a conversation I had with my soon to be father-in-law as I was about to graduate from college and was figuring out what I wanted to do with my future career. He said, “Get a job that makes money and then enjoy yourself when you aren’t working.”
I thoroughly disagreed with him especially when I got my first job teaching high school at a school with poverty, gangs, violence and students performing academically way below high school level. I spent hours of extra time trying to make Spanish an incredibly fun class and it was met with most students still uninterested and frustrated. Why? Because Spanish was not going to help their lives in the present moment. They were suffering from a lack of resources and all they could think about was getting out of school.
At that time I was young, hopeful and wanted to make a difference. However, as challenging as that part of my life was I learned from them and about myself. I learned that no matter how much I loved Spanish, no matter how much time I spent creating engaging lessons, most of my students were there because they had to be. Society’s rules had them arrive each day and go through the motions of learning. Slowly, I began to go through the motions of teaching with a few positive interactions in the day. I caught myself waiting for the end of the day to arrive so I could commute home and find some happiness. I waited for the weekend to arrive so I could recharge. I counted down the days for the lengthy vacations so I could forget all about my job to relax and do the things I enjoyed once again.
As I counted up the hours of work I was putting in (much more than the 7 1/2 hours we as teachers are/were paid for), I knew for certain that putting time in a job that was not satisfying was a waste of life. I told my father-in-law at the time that the goal for everyone should be to find a job that was enjoyable each day and to ALSO enjoy the time when not at work. I don’t know if he ever saw that point, but as it think about it now, he did enjoy his work. Ironic.
My soul knew that this goal, this value to enjoy work and life, was and is achievable. Now, as I forge forward creating my own business(es), I wake with excitement. I am creating an environment/experience that will be positive for both myself and my clients. It’s a win-win and that to me is a value I will live by as much as possible until there is no more air for me to breath.
So I ask you to think about those questions at the beginning of this blog as you go about your day, living your life. What are your values? What are your non-negotiables? If you think about them and allow them to flood your mind without forcing the answers, I guarantee you, your life will reflect the answers. And when you live your values, your soul, body and mind will be at peace. You will wake without dread, but instead will look at your life with gratitude, creativity and endless possibilities of all the things you can do in your life.
I want this for you all!